A year….that is how long it took, just a year. Some might think that a year feels like forever but for some it takes years, even decades and I cannot fathom that. Countless days temping, testing, writing, reading, and crying. The only logical explanation for the countless negative tests is…”it is me…..maybe I am not supposed to be a mom”. Maybe my life is supposed to go in a completely different direction; not a baby. It wasn’t until the morning of June 4, 2017 that I received terrible news of my Godmother passing, my cousin going missing, and my grandmother being extremely ill that I knew God had something more for me.
That morning I received two lines; yes you read correctly….two lines. After 12 tests, and 24 lines….I was pregnant. I remember it like it was yesterday. My mother and father drove 2 hours all the way from Ohio (we live in Pennsylvania) to tell me about my Godmother. They arrived at 9 am on Sunday morning with no calls or texts…why did they show up so early? We just took the test, they couldn’t have known. They drove all the way from my hometown of Ohio to tell me about the news of the family; especially my Godmother. We were close. I loved her more than words can describe and I just texted her on the Wednesday of that week to tell her I was praying for her and that I loved her (I still have the text). It was then after speaking to my parents and seeing the look on their faces that I knew we had to share the news with them. After so much turmoil and grief our family was going through I wanted to tell them…WE ARE PREGNANT!
After screams, hugs, and tears we all went to breakfast and enjoyed each other’s company. This day….this June 4th Sunday was the day everything changed. This blog is my journey not for just me but for any woman who ever thought why me?, why not me?, did I do something?, why do I hate it and others love it?; this is for all of you. This is my journey from the beginning to current day….I will take it one experience at a time; one feeling at a time; to ensure that you are not the only one. You are not the only person who thinks the way you do. You are special, you are God-sent, and so is motherhood. We are all in this together; so let’s talk about it.